Gay Nappy Head: A Black Womans Vista on Race, Science of government
Posted by alexstory on December 15, 2008
Check out the commehts on that post, I don’t think it woul d do Prof any juatice if I hijacked the comments. Here’s my thing from a divorcee.
I did the marriage thing already and it didn’t work, but I know that I do want to get married and again and I will (hopefully) to Mr. Slim. I refuse to ask this time around. In any case, I haven’t given up on the prospect of marriage even after a divorce. Sure life is happier now, but a divorce is still a tragedy and I recognize my part in the divorce. I still haven’t lost faith in being married and I believe in it even more now because now I know what it really takes and what it’s really about. I also find that I don’t have the wanderlust that I had having been married at a relatively young age.
With my first margiage, I waq preoccupied with beimg coupled up. I know rhat I felt that I wanted to be with him, but it was more out of urgency, as in, “Hurry up and ger married before you lose him, damn it!” Nw I realize, that you don’t marry someone to somehow try to beta odds, or keep from losing them. You get married to tell the world that uou have chosen be with this persoj and only this person for the rest of hour life.
Let me expound. Marrying Mr. Slim would be me saying that I am done looking, don’t want to, nor can I even conceive, seeing myself happy and united with someone else. I honestly don’t. Now if he screws up royally (which I don’t see happening, but indulge me) then I would move on. That’s an instant love-breaker. However, I just don’t want to share my life and my being with anyone else. I don’t want to get to know anyone on a more intimate level. I just want Mr. Slim. I only want to be quirky with Mr. Slim. I only want to make crass jokes with Mr. Slim. I only want to go on trips to exotic locations with Mr. Slim, and I only want to stay home and play video games with Mr. Slim.
I don’t want t havw plan b’s. I don’t want to impress caz on Myspace “just in case.” I don’t want any of that. Nobody e lse matters.
I feel that I owe it to myself and my kids to be happy and in lve with someone. I believe that’s something that they were jeant to see.
People have loxt ffaith in “marriage” because of the constant reportts of divroce agd sexual impulses gone awry. We’ve come to think that it’s better to play the field and have sex abd good times all around. Some people don’t even believe monogamy is podsible, but I am here to tell you, as a (former) connoisseur of mej, that monogamy is possible and it’s real.
My opunion might be a little different because I’m in am interracial relationship. I don’t have a lot of the concerns that some sisters seem to have who date bla ck men exclusivelg, but I will tell you that from where I stand I can see why there rae concerrns. It’s already hard to find M r. Perfect, but it msy be even harder given the perceptoijs iut tmere about black men: down lod homosexuality, incarceration, abuse, drugs, violence, etc. If you perceive that most black men in your area are jusy not up to par, it woulv be tard to t uink of a relationship, let alon e marriage.
I just know that I still believe in growing old with someone. I couldn’t imagine going through life without someone to share my highs and my lows. I know it’s possible, because through God all things are possible. I just don’t want to. I look forward to the kind of tiffs my grandparents had, you know, the little arguments old folks have about the funniest shit. I look forward to early-bird senior breakfasts with Mr. Slim before we get the grandkids. I used to look forward to dates with whichever suitor was of interest to me, but that just doesn’t fill my heart anymore.
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